1 00:00:00,490 --> 00:00:01,712 - hot in cleveland Is recorded 2 00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:03,469 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:03,491 --> 00:00:05,734 - so, ms. Scroggs, I am happy to say 4 00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:07,715 That comprehensive Baby solutions 5 00:00:07,738 --> 00:00:09,630 Finds you qualified For our assistance. 6 00:00:09,653 --> 00:00:12,917 - oh, good. Because I really want to have a baby. 7 00:00:12,941 --> 00:00:14,353 But with every year That passes, 8 00:00:14,376 --> 00:00:16,238 The options Become slimmer and slimmer. 9 00:00:16,261 --> 00:00:19,270 - really? A woman your age Still has plenty of time. 10 00:00:19,294 --> 00:00:20,484 - oh, dear. 11 00:00:20,507 --> 00:00:22,591 I put down my fake age, Didn't I? 12 00:00:22,614 --> 00:00:23,549 Habit. 13 00:00:23,572 --> 00:00:25,783 Add seven. 14 00:00:25,806 --> 00:00:29,167 Then add three After that. 15 00:00:29,190 --> 00:00:31,594 - we have our work Cut out for us, don't we? 16 00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:33,477 Not to worry. 17 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,000 we don't like to brag, But midlife mommy magazine 18 00:00:36,023 --> 00:00:37,819 Rated our sperm The best in ohio. 19 00:00:37,842 --> 00:00:40,756 We have athletes, Bankers, professors. 20 00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:44,417 I'm gonna show you some of Our most popular donors. 21 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,098 - oh. 22 00:00:48,121 --> 00:00:49,599 He looks very smart. 23 00:00:49,621 --> 00:00:52,663 - oh. If you want education, You should try 317. 24 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,068 - ooh. 25 00:00:54,091 --> 00:00:56,655 Maybe a little Too much education. 26 00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:59,016 - yes. Everyone says They want geniuses 27 00:00:59,039 --> 00:01:01,667 Until they see one. 28 00:01:01,690 --> 00:01:03,678 Well, we... Oh. He shouldn't be here. 29 00:01:03,701 --> 00:01:04,923 You can't have him. 30 00:01:04,946 --> 00:01:06,551 - well, now I want him. Who is he? 31 00:01:06,574 --> 00:01:10,223 - only our all-time Most popular donor, number 106. 32 00:01:10,246 --> 00:01:12,745 We've retired him. - retired him? 33 00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:16,161 - well, we can't have Too many 106s running around. 34 00:01:16,183 --> 00:01:18,332 It's really too bad, though. Very high success rate. 35 00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:20,247 Those little guys Can crack through 36 00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:23,024 The hardest, Crustiest old eggs. 37 00:01:23,048 --> 00:01:25,385 And his offspring Have done phenomenally. 38 00:01:25,408 --> 00:01:27,588 one is on american idol Right now. 39 00:01:27,611 --> 00:01:30,080 - can I look? - we'd rather you didn't. 40 00:01:30,103 --> 00:01:32,410 - oh, please? I've had a tough year. 41 00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:34,358 I was engaged To a homeless man. 42 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:35,634 I almost got deported. 43 00:01:35,657 --> 00:01:38,634 I accidentally shot the son I gave up for adoption. 44 00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:41,593 I still haven't Told you my real age. 45 00:01:48,682 --> 00:01:51,298 Oh, god. 46 00:01:54,813 --> 00:01:56,705 Oh, god. 47 00:01:56,728 --> 00:01:58,960 - just rick will be fine. 48 00:02:09,944 --> 00:02:11,198 - howdy. 49 00:02:11,221 --> 00:02:13,529 - oh. Is your neighborhood Watch training 50 00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:15,349 Already over? - yes, ma'am. 51 00:02:15,372 --> 00:02:17,358 And lakewood's A pretty safe neighborhood. 52 00:02:17,382 --> 00:02:19,658 But rick still gave us These pamphlets to study. 53 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,541 "The signs of drug abuse, How to talk to gang members, 54 00:02:21,564 --> 00:02:24,702 Are there prostitutes In your neighborhood?" 55 00:02:24,725 --> 00:02:27,341 - oh, there's one right there. 56 00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,607 - so you're done with Your neighborhood watch? 57 00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:32,268 - yeah. Yeah, and the funniest Thing happened... 58 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:33,896 - great story. So... 59 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,843 Does that mean everyone's Knocked off, including rick? 60 00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:37,248 - yeah. Yeah, he's probably Back at his place... 61 00:02:37,271 --> 00:02:39,164 - right. I'm off then. - where are you going? 62 00:02:39,187 --> 00:02:42,739 - out. I won't be long. Unless I am. 63 00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:44,431 - that's weird. 64 00:02:44,454 --> 00:02:46,954 Joy's been disappearing A lot lately. 65 00:02:46,977 --> 00:02:49,763 - I just had the most Depressing news from my agent. 66 00:02:49,786 --> 00:02:51,646 - what's wrong? - they're making a musical 67 00:02:51,669 --> 00:02:53,019 of driving miss daisy. 68 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,583 - oh, well, That's regrettable. 69 00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:56,115 But why are you So upset? 70 00:02:56,138 --> 00:02:57,681 - it's gonna be at The cleveland playhouse. 71 00:02:57,703 --> 00:02:59,436 I wanted to audition For the lead, 72 00:02:59,459 --> 00:03:01,351 But the director Won't even meet with me. 73 00:03:01,374 --> 00:03:03,106 - honey, That's a grandmother part. 74 00:03:03,129 --> 00:03:05,629 - in a musical That might go to broadway. 75 00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,545 And beautiful actresses Willing to age up 76 00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:09,397 Are always award magnets. 77 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:10,929 - age up? 78 00:03:12,389 --> 00:03:15,047 - yes. In fact, The director won't see me 79 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,856 Because he said I'd be Unconvincing as an old lady. 80 00:03:17,879 --> 00:03:20,218 What an insult! 81 00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:22,581 Well, you're gonna have to do 82 00:03:22,604 --> 00:03:25,038 Better than that, hoke, Or you'll never win 83 00:03:25,062 --> 00:03:30,116 The great georgia Chauffeur's race. 84 00:03:30,139 --> 00:03:32,158 - I-I don't remember There being a chauffeur's race 85 00:03:32,182 --> 00:03:33,722 in driving miss daisy. 86 00:03:33,745 --> 00:03:36,883 - yeah, well, they've Taken a few liberties. 87 00:03:36,906 --> 00:03:38,033 - it doesn't matter, 88 00:03:38,056 --> 00:03:40,332 'cause your old lady acting Is terrible! 89 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:43,193 - oh. I suppose You could do better. 90 00:03:47,824 --> 00:03:49,334 You know what? 91 00:03:49,357 --> 00:03:51,888 I'm gonna go All tootsie on their ass. 92 00:03:51,911 --> 00:03:53,930 I am gonna go To that audition in character 93 00:03:53,953 --> 00:03:56,134 As an old lady, And I'm gonna get that part. 94 00:03:56,157 --> 00:03:58,145 - maybe elka could give you Some pointers. 95 00:03:58,168 --> 00:04:01,199 - I do love telling people What they're doing wrong. 96 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,998 - I just came over to ask him If he'd come out of retirement. 97 00:04:06,021 --> 00:04:07,531 But once I saw him, I realized 98 00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:09,318 I shouldn't have A baby with him! 99 00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:11,138 And I started crying. 100 00:04:11,161 --> 00:04:13,533 So he put his arm around me To comfort me, 101 00:04:13,556 --> 00:04:15,288 And that turned into A massage, 102 00:04:15,312 --> 00:04:18,226 And the massage Felt so amazing... 103 00:04:18,249 --> 00:04:21,322 I forgot about procreation And went straight to recreation. 104 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,238 And now I can't stop. 105 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:26,111 and I feel so ashamed! 106 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,579 It's like there's this filth 107 00:04:27,603 --> 00:04:30,836 That just can't be Washed off me. 108 00:04:30,859 --> 00:04:33,410 - that filth Is the coconut oil. 109 00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:38,625 - thank you for listening. 110 00:04:38,648 --> 00:04:40,030 I had to tell someone, 111 00:04:40,053 --> 00:04:41,435 And you're the only one Who can know 112 00:04:41,457 --> 00:04:43,414 This ever, ever happened. 113 00:04:43,437 --> 00:04:45,266 - hush, little baby. Don't say a word. 114 00:04:45,288 --> 00:04:48,043 Papa's gonna rub Your upper third. 115 00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:50,469 - rick, I told you The whole papa thing 116 00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:52,481 Creeps me out, So please... 117 00:04:52,504 --> 00:04:54,556 Oh... Oh... 118 00:04:54,579 --> 00:04:56,152 How did you get so good at... 119 00:04:56,174 --> 00:04:57,939 - making love? 120 00:04:57,962 --> 00:04:59,695 - I wish you wouldn't Use that term. 121 00:04:59,719 --> 00:05:01,004 It sounds cheesy. 122 00:05:01,028 --> 00:05:05,378 - yes. The sweetest cheese Two people can share. 123 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,794 Actually, my swordsmanship Came rather late in life, 124 00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:11,699 Although I had a vast Theoretical knowledge of sex 125 00:05:11,722 --> 00:05:16,104 Due to extensive reading And film study. 126 00:05:16,127 --> 00:05:17,829 - how come When you're not touching me, 127 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,839 I find you so irritating? 128 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,617 - you're no day at the beach For me either, sweet cakes. 129 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,512 I prefer Dark italian women. 130 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,226 Who live with you. 131 00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:30,822 - melanie? - she's the kind of girl 132 00:05:30,845 --> 00:05:32,385 You could introduce To your mother 133 00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:34,333 Without having her Yell at you. 134 00:05:34,356 --> 00:05:36,983 Say... You wouldn't mind Dropping a hint to her 135 00:05:37,006 --> 00:05:40,272 About my sexellence... Would you? 136 00:05:40,295 --> 00:05:42,666 - you leave melanie alone. 137 00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:44,645 I feel bad enough Being addicted 138 00:05:44,668 --> 00:05:46,561 To this mixture Of pleasure and shame. 139 00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:47,838 I wouldn't wish it on her. 140 00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:50,700 - yes. But would you Wish me... 141 00:05:52,873 --> 00:05:54,542 On you? 142 00:05:54,565 --> 00:05:58,373 - yes. But only if you please Just shut up. 143 00:05:58,396 --> 00:06:00,384 - of course, milady. Your wish is my... 144 00:06:00,407 --> 00:06:02,543 - shut up! 145 00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:05,108 - aah! 146 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,450 - hey, listen to this. 147 00:06:06,473 --> 00:06:08,525 It's from the pamphlet On drug abuse. 148 00:06:08,548 --> 00:06:11,111 "The symptoms include Evasiveness, 149 00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:13,697 Paranoia, euphoria." 150 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,548 I mean, I don't want To jump to any conclusions, 151 00:06:15,571 --> 00:06:16,921 But doesn't that Describe the way 152 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,038 Joy's been acting lately? 153 00:06:18,061 --> 00:06:20,944 - yes. Let's lock her up. 154 00:06:20,967 --> 00:06:23,529 - no. I know joy. 155 00:06:23,552 --> 00:06:24,901 She can't be on drugs. 156 00:06:24,924 --> 00:06:27,201 - can we still lock her up? 157 00:06:27,224 --> 00:06:29,691 Tea, hard candy, 158 00:06:29,714 --> 00:06:31,532 Kleenex. 159 00:06:43,282 --> 00:06:44,823 - good. 160 00:06:44,846 --> 00:06:45,940 Good speed. 161 00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:48,451 Now... Feel the lack Of burn. 162 00:06:55,093 --> 00:06:56,826 There. How's that? 163 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,795 - terrible! 164 00:06:59,818 --> 00:07:03,179 You used your standing up grunt For sitting down. 165 00:07:03,202 --> 00:07:05,053 - oh. Good note. Okay, how's this? 166 00:07:06,746 --> 00:07:08,830 Uggghhh! 167 00:07:08,853 --> 00:07:10,345 - better. Better. 168 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:13,012 - you know, I need To workshop this character. 169 00:07:13,035 --> 00:07:15,631 Do you think I'm ready To take her out into public? 170 00:07:15,653 --> 00:07:17,546 - pop quiz. 171 00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:21,282 How much did a cup of coffee Cost in 1947? 172 00:07:21,304 --> 00:07:24,314 - what, you mean like A venti or a grande? 173 00:07:24,336 --> 00:07:25,558 - have you learned nothing? 174 00:07:25,581 --> 00:07:27,124 - oh, oh, oh! Right, right, right. 175 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,964 Uh... Yeah. 176 00:07:29,987 --> 00:07:32,454 It cost what it should cost, 177 00:07:32,477 --> 00:07:35,648 Not what people are charging Other people around here today. 178 00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:36,924 It is a conspiracy. 179 00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:38,956 I saw it on fox news! 180 00:07:40,395 --> 00:07:42,594 You're ready. 181 00:07:44,002 --> 00:07:45,958 - hello, dear friends. 182 00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:48,182 You're all looking Fantastic tonight. 183 00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:50,491 Euphoria. 184 00:07:50,514 --> 00:07:53,236 - I can't hear you When you whisper. 185 00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:55,408 - joy, where have you been All day? 186 00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:57,834 - oh, you know. Here, there, around. 187 00:07:57,857 --> 00:07:59,336 - evasiveness. 188 00:07:59,358 --> 00:08:00,676 Joy, you feeling okay? 189 00:08:00,699 --> 00:08:02,112 - better than okay. 190 00:08:02,135 --> 00:08:03,516 I can't remember The last time 191 00:08:03,539 --> 00:08:06,230 I felt this relaxed And tension-free. 192 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,518 I'm gonna make lemonade For all my favorite people. 193 00:08:09,541 --> 00:08:11,210 You, sweet melanie, 194 00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:13,146 Old lady I haven't met yet... 195 00:08:15,447 --> 00:08:16,606 And elka. 196 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:19,309 You adorable Little button of a woman. 197 00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:23,459 - yep, she's on drugs. 198 00:08:28,792 --> 00:08:30,365 - you got here fast. 199 00:08:30,389 --> 00:08:31,930 - it sounded like... You needed me. 200 00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:33,461 What's up? 201 00:08:33,485 --> 00:08:35,632 - well... It's about joy. 202 00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:38,304 I think something's Gotten into her. 203 00:08:41,977 --> 00:08:43,700 - something, indeed. 204 00:08:46,032 --> 00:08:48,434 - I just... I don't want her To get in trouble. 205 00:08:48,457 --> 00:08:50,446 And I'm probably wrong, But... 206 00:08:50,469 --> 00:08:52,479 I think she may Be on something. 207 00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:56,639 And since you're The neighborhood watch captain, 208 00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,728 You might know where She's getting her stuff. 209 00:08:59,919 --> 00:09:02,481 - I've a pretty good idea. 210 00:09:02,504 --> 00:09:04,397 - can you show me? 211 00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:07,270 - hmm. 212 00:09:07,293 --> 00:09:08,707 As much as I'd like to... 213 00:09:08,729 --> 00:09:10,590 - oh, please, please. I heard her on the phone. 214 00:09:10,614 --> 00:09:12,984 She said she wanted it tonight And she needed it bad. 215 00:09:13,007 --> 00:09:17,901 - she's got a powerful monkey On her back, all right. 216 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,624 - you said at the meeting That there was a spot 217 00:09:19,647 --> 00:09:20,806 Where it all goes down. 218 00:09:20,829 --> 00:09:22,689 Can you please take me there? 219 00:09:22,712 --> 00:09:25,085 - okay. I'll go get the van. 220 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:28,393 I just need to, uh, I need to Cancel a previous engagement. 221 00:09:38,068 --> 00:09:41,386 Line's busy. I'll... Call back later. 222 00:09:46,975 --> 00:09:49,059 - oh, this place Is too crowded, 223 00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:50,975 Too noisy, And too expensive! 224 00:09:50,998 --> 00:09:53,464 $6.00 for a beer. Well, I remember 225 00:09:53,487 --> 00:09:55,475 When you could get A bucket of suds for 4 bits, 226 00:09:55,499 --> 00:09:58,253 Dagnabbit! 227 00:09:58,276 --> 00:10:01,350 - you're from lakewood, Not deadwood. 228 00:10:01,374 --> 00:10:02,882 - good note. 229 00:10:02,905 --> 00:10:04,383 Oh, my god. 230 00:10:04,406 --> 00:10:08,597 robert mactavish is at the bar. He's the director of daisy. 231 00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:10,735 He's the one who said I couldn't play old. 232 00:10:10,759 --> 00:10:13,247 Well... I'll show him. 233 00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:21,941 Scoot over, sonny. Or move over, scooter. 234 00:10:21,964 --> 00:10:24,144 - sorry. Please, sit down. 235 00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:25,635 - arrruuumm. 236 00:10:27,392 --> 00:10:29,635 Well, there's no need To be sorry. 237 00:10:29,658 --> 00:10:31,487 But if you want To make it up to me, 238 00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:33,371 I am a bit parched. 239 00:10:33,394 --> 00:10:35,541 I'm drier than A revival meeting 240 00:10:35,564 --> 00:10:37,830 During prohibition. 241 00:10:39,874 --> 00:10:41,767 - gladly. I'm robert mactavish. 242 00:10:41,789 --> 00:10:43,331 - oh, well... 243 00:10:43,353 --> 00:10:45,884 I'm millicent... 244 00:10:45,907 --> 00:10:48,248 Ostrovsky. 245 00:10:48,271 --> 00:10:50,599 84 years young. 246 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,221 - I can't see anyone. 247 00:11:06,244 --> 00:11:08,488 - a good surveillance Takes time. 248 00:11:08,511 --> 00:11:11,808 We could be in this van... All night. 249 00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:17,490 - champagne. What's that for? 250 00:11:17,513 --> 00:11:19,597 - uh... It's part of our cover. 251 00:11:19,621 --> 00:11:22,183 In case anyone asks, This is a first date. 252 00:11:22,206 --> 00:11:25,248 That's why I, uh, brought you These lilies. 253 00:11:25,271 --> 00:11:27,962 You mentioned one time They were your favorite. 254 00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:29,652 - oh, that's so sweet! 255 00:11:29,675 --> 00:11:31,951 And a little odd. 256 00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,867 But no champagne. Thank you. 257 00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:35,176 I don't want to be out of it 258 00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:37,220 In case we have to separate Joy from her dealer. 259 00:11:37,242 --> 00:11:40,124 - you'll need a crowbar. 260 00:11:40,147 --> 00:11:42,679 Perhaps you would Prefer a little grass. 261 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,242 - what? No. We're supposed To shut down drugs 262 00:11:44,266 --> 00:11:45,775 In this neighborhood. 263 00:11:45,798 --> 00:11:48,393 - hey, mellow. 264 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,212 I'm only talking about Wheat grass juice. 265 00:11:50,235 --> 00:11:52,033 - then why didn't you say Wheat grass juice? 266 00:11:52,055 --> 00:11:53,374 - saying grass is quicker. 267 00:11:53,397 --> 00:11:55,513 "Hey, you want a cup of grass?" "Is that fresh-squeezed grass?" 268 00:11:55,535 --> 00:11:58,290 See? Quicker. 269 00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:00,365 - can we just do our stakeout? 270 00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:02,918 - I'm feeling Some negative tension from you. 271 00:12:02,941 --> 00:12:06,366 A proper surveillance demands A peaceful, easy feeling. 272 00:12:06,389 --> 00:12:08,889 - I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm worried. 273 00:12:08,912 --> 00:12:11,889 - yeah. Close your eyes For a minute and just... 274 00:12:11,912 --> 00:12:13,836 Listen to the music. 275 00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:15,369 - rick, what are you... 276 00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:18,115 Oh... What are you... - doing? 277 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,999 Relaxing you. 278 00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:21,498 You want me to stop? 279 00:12:21,521 --> 00:12:24,435 - um... In a minute. 280 00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:27,521 Oh, wow, rick, That feels so good. 281 00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:31,682 - you bastard! You're sleeping with her too? 282 00:12:31,705 --> 00:12:34,748 - oh, my god! She's high as a kite! 283 00:12:34,771 --> 00:12:37,972 - this is your urgent Neighborhood watch business? 284 00:12:37,995 --> 00:12:41,004 And I brought you a hoagie In case you got hungry! 285 00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:44,006 - ooh! What kind? 286 00:12:44,028 --> 00:12:47,039 - what is going on here? - that's what I'd like to know. 287 00:12:47,062 --> 00:12:49,017 - I was just trying to keep her From finding out about us. 288 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,294 - with a backrub? - wait, wait, wait. 289 00:12:50,317 --> 00:12:51,731 You two are an "Us"? 290 00:12:51,753 --> 00:12:54,211 - you've had the massage. Can you blame me? 291 00:12:57,214 --> 00:12:58,659 - I don't want to get Ahead of myself, 292 00:12:58,682 --> 00:13:01,372 But I can't help thinking You'd be a perfect miss daisy. 293 00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:03,320 - oh, I'm just flattered That you would ask 294 00:13:03,343 --> 00:13:06,417 An unknown actress like myself To audition. 295 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,811 - but even if things Don't work out with the musical, 296 00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,940 I hope we can still Be friends or... 297 00:13:11,962 --> 00:13:13,249 More than friends? 298 00:13:13,271 --> 00:13:16,760 - I'm sorry? 299 00:13:16,783 --> 00:13:19,409 - I'm drawn to women like you. 300 00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:21,996 Attractive, intelligent, Wise. 301 00:13:22,019 --> 00:13:23,496 - old? 302 00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:27,264 - mature and full of life Experience. Yes. 303 00:13:27,286 --> 00:13:30,392 Until later, then? 304 00:13:30,415 --> 00:13:33,329 Your hand is remarkably Smooth and wrinkle-free. 305 00:13:33,352 --> 00:13:34,733 Hello! There's an age spot. 306 00:13:34,756 --> 00:13:35,883 - what? I mean... 307 00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:38,756 Oh, well, That little thing? 308 00:13:38,779 --> 00:13:40,193 Oh, well... 309 00:13:40,216 --> 00:13:42,927 I best get back To my little sister. 310 00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:50,440 - okay. He's coming by The house tonight 311 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,196 to audition me for daisy. 312 00:13:52,219 --> 00:13:54,048 - congratulations! - yeah, but I think 313 00:13:54,071 --> 00:13:55,868 He wants more than An audition. 314 00:13:55,891 --> 00:13:59,304 - oh! He's a wrinkle chaser. 315 00:14:01,764 --> 00:14:03,625 - what... That's a thing? 316 00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:05,413 - oh, they're All over the place. 317 00:14:05,436 --> 00:14:08,860 That's why I had to stop Mall walking. 318 00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:10,489 - okay. New plan. 319 00:14:10,512 --> 00:14:13,458 I am gonna nail this audition And get this part. 320 00:14:13,482 --> 00:14:15,755 But I am not gonna reveal My real self 321 00:14:15,779 --> 00:14:17,066 Until opening night. 322 00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:18,724 In the meantime, 323 00:14:18,748 --> 00:14:20,864 I'm just gonna tease him along All through rehearsal. 324 00:14:20,887 --> 00:14:24,121 So you're gonna have to Teach me the grunt for sexy. 325 00:14:24,144 --> 00:14:26,707 - it's the same As sitting down. 326 00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:27,824 Uugghaaaahh. 327 00:14:32,411 --> 00:14:35,741 - again, I'm sorry I thought you were on drugs. 328 00:14:35,764 --> 00:14:38,200 - it's not as weird as what I was really on. 329 00:14:38,223 --> 00:14:39,891 - is he really that good? 330 00:14:39,914 --> 00:14:42,254 - remember those giant muffins We loved 331 00:14:42,277 --> 00:14:44,840 Until we found out they were Like a thousand calories each? 332 00:14:44,863 --> 00:14:48,511 He's that good. He's muffin good. 333 00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:50,426 - no! 334 00:14:50,449 --> 00:14:52,342 - yes! 335 00:14:52,365 --> 00:14:54,896 - well, we're just gonna Have to do for each other 336 00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:56,524 What we did With the muffins. 337 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,632 - just eat the top? 338 00:14:58,655 --> 00:15:01,440 - I'll stop you From having any more 339 00:15:01,463 --> 00:15:03,675 And you'll stop me. - right. 340 00:15:03,698 --> 00:15:05,017 We've got to be strong. 341 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,421 - shall we go in? 342 00:15:06,444 --> 00:15:09,039 - actually, I think I'm gonna go for a walk. 343 00:15:09,061 --> 00:15:10,219 I'm feeling a little tense. - right. 344 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,975 Hey, wait a minute! 345 00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,348 You're gonna go back to him, Aren't you? 346 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,135 - oh! I can't help it! 347 00:15:15,158 --> 00:15:17,659 I want my love muffin. 348 00:15:17,681 --> 00:15:19,531 Get me inside! 349 00:15:21,928 --> 00:15:25,192 - and, hoke, I'm glad I got to see you win 350 00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:28,097 That chauffeur's race Before I die. 351 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,035 And now I must pass. 352 00:15:31,058 --> 00:15:35,473 I hope there's integration In heaven... 353 00:15:35,496 --> 00:15:39,995 So that you can drive me For all of eternity. 354 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,487 - oh! That was wonderful. 355 00:15:49,511 --> 00:15:51,562 Tears! Come. 356 00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:54,339 Sit down next to me. 357 00:15:54,362 --> 00:15:56,255 - uuggghh. 358 00:15:56,278 --> 00:15:57,659 Oh, dear, I'm sorry. 359 00:15:57,682 --> 00:16:00,533 Was my underwear showing This whole time? 360 00:16:00,556 --> 00:16:02,895 - you are driving me crazy, Miss daisy! 361 00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:04,683 - oh, you naughty boy, now! 362 00:16:04,706 --> 00:16:06,790 I bet you do that With all the girls. 363 00:16:06,813 --> 00:16:09,281 So who else auditioned Anyway? 364 00:16:09,303 --> 00:16:11,674 - oh, my god, every Once-great star you can think of 365 00:16:11,697 --> 00:16:13,079 Came out of the woodwork. 366 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,802 Have you ever heard The soap opera actress 367 00:16:14,825 --> 00:16:16,336 Victoria chase? 368 00:16:16,358 --> 00:16:19,176 - oh. The actress Who won the emmy? 369 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,188 Gorgeous, talented. 370 00:16:21,211 --> 00:16:23,518 carried edge of tomorrow For 27 years. 371 00:16:23,541 --> 00:16:26,328 Yes, I believe I have heard of her. 372 00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:29,042 - well, even she wanted To try out for this part. 373 00:16:29,064 --> 00:16:32,042 - oh! Well, bless my corn. She would have been fabulous. 374 00:16:32,065 --> 00:16:33,287 - are you kidding me? 375 00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,415 She's a one-note wonder. 376 00:16:36,854 --> 00:16:38,874 - the only time that she Was a one-note wonder 377 00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:42,897 was when she was In the movie one-note wonder. 378 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,397 - come on. She's a soap actress. 379 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:48,930 - uuhh! I will have you know, 380 00:16:48,953 --> 00:16:51,324 Mr. Mactavish, That soap opera actresses 381 00:16:51,347 --> 00:16:54,517 Work harder than anybody else In this business. 382 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:55,985 We... 383 00:16:56,009 --> 00:16:58,188 They... Create characters 384 00:16:58,211 --> 00:17:02,817 That people take into their Hearts for decades. 385 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,764 Now, you are nothing but A theatrical snob, 386 00:17:04,787 --> 00:17:07,127 And I do not care To be in your play. 387 00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,648 - but you would be So perfect with our hoke. 388 00:17:09,671 --> 00:17:11,937 What am I gonna tell Tito jackson? 389 00:17:13,759 --> 00:17:15,747 - I want you to get Out of my house. 390 00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,493 I will not be your daisy Or your girlfriend. 391 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,440 - but... I-I think You're amazing 392 00:17:20,463 --> 00:17:23,377 And talented, And I'm confused. 393 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,994 Why would you care so much What I think of victoria chase? 394 00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:28,676 - because... 395 00:17:28,698 --> 00:17:31,379 I am victoria chase, You idiot! 396 00:17:36,969 --> 00:17:39,690 - you know, I've always Been afraid of getting old. 397 00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:41,222 But I don't know, 398 00:17:41,245 --> 00:17:44,512 After walking a mile In elka's naturalizers, 399 00:17:44,535 --> 00:17:46,968 I feel a little less scared. 400 00:17:46,991 --> 00:17:48,884 You don't give a damn What people think 401 00:17:48,907 --> 00:17:50,991 And, you know, it's freeing. 402 00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:53,290 There's something Kind of wonderful 403 00:17:53,313 --> 00:17:55,014 About accepting The age you are 404 00:17:55,037 --> 00:17:56,929 And not fighting it All the time. 405 00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:58,334 - that does sound nice. 406 00:17:58,357 --> 00:18:00,154 Maybe that's what I should do. 407 00:18:00,177 --> 00:18:02,325 I keep feeling this pressure That if I want to get pregnant, 408 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,113 It has to be right away. 409 00:18:04,136 --> 00:18:06,794 But there's other ways I can have a child in my life. 410 00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,284 I think I'm gonna Relax about it... 411 00:18:09,307 --> 00:18:11,710 Maybe go back to trying To find the right guy. 412 00:18:11,734 --> 00:18:13,562 - well, there's no rush For that either, 413 00:18:13,585 --> 00:18:16,882 You know, as long as those Wrinkle chasers are around. 414 00:18:16,905 --> 00:18:18,479 - I don't know whether to be Happy they exist 415 00:18:18,502 --> 00:18:19,787 Or totally grossed out. 416 00:18:19,810 --> 00:18:21,479 - well, if can imagine Anything sexually, 417 00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:23,268 Somebody's into it. 418 00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:25,267 Who can really judge? 419 00:18:27,026 --> 00:18:28,471 - I had sex with rick. 420 00:18:28,493 --> 00:18:30,290 - I'll tell you Who can judge... I can. 421 00:18:30,314 --> 00:18:33,483 Are you insane? How could this even happen? 422 00:18:33,506 --> 00:18:35,272 - it's a very heart-warming Story. 423 00:18:35,295 --> 00:18:37,218 It turns out he's The number one sperm donor 424 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,549 At the fertility clinic I went to. 425 00:18:39,572 --> 00:18:42,134 - hmm. And how do you get That distinction? 426 00:18:42,158 --> 00:18:43,379 - same way you get To carnegie hall... 427 00:18:43,402 --> 00:18:46,466 Practice, practice, Practice. 428 00:18:48,543 --> 00:18:49,572 Ladies... 429 00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,095 - rick, we said 300 feet. 430 00:18:52,118 --> 00:18:54,552 - I've only come over To invite any and all of you 431 00:18:54,575 --> 00:18:56,787 To a homemade pizza dinner. 432 00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:59,054 I will be kneading the dough Myself... 433 00:18:59,077 --> 00:19:02,344 With slow, Steady pressure. 434 00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:04,376 - ooh. 435 00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:08,057 We don't want you! 436 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,940 Or your gifted hands. 437 00:19:09,963 --> 00:19:12,686 - I believe the lady Is asking you to leave. 438 00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:14,283 - you seem rather tense. 439 00:19:14,306 --> 00:19:16,199 - yes, well, I've had a tough day. 440 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,666 - perhaps I can be Of assistance. 441 00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:18,815 - oh, don't even try it... 442 00:19:18,838 --> 00:19:20,730 Oh, god! 443 00:19:20,754 --> 00:19:24,998 Oh... Oh... Oh, oh, oh... Don't stop. 444 00:19:27,331 --> 00:19:28,606 - sorry about that. 445 00:19:34,354 --> 00:19:37,299 - here you go, handsome. - thank you, mister. 446 00:19:37,322 --> 00:19:39,844 Ladies. 447 00:19:45,369 --> 00:19:47,984 - yep. They're all over town.